Parental Discipline
As a parent of six kids – 5 sons and 1 daughter – that include triplets, I have some experience raising and disciplining children. I was also a high school Dean to discipline students before I became a licensed school superintendent.
As a behaviorist I see behaviors by the same groups of people. Call this profiling if you want. But it appears most of the people committing larceny and disrespecting law and order are under the age of 30. They come in all colors and nationalities.
I try to see the “Big Picture” in the news reports. Reporters all want to cover that one incident and not investigate the “root cause.” What I see is a lack of early discipline in the home. This is caused by single parent families where the father and sometimes the mother has skipped out of their responsibility to nurture and care for their child. The other cause is affluence – giving the child everything they ever wanted with no need to even ask they do some small chores to help the family.
This may stem all the way back to the late 1940’s when Dr. Benjamin Spock released his book, “The Common-Sense Book of Baby and Child Care.” It was a bestseller because there was a “baby boom” caused by men returning home after World War II. And mother’s sought advice on child rearing.
Dr. Spock’s advice was to not spank your child for fear of causing undue psychological harm that would affect the child’s behavior for the rest of their lives. They would develop habits of emotional fear or anger.
I am one of those “baby boomers” born in 1943. Fortunately, or unfortunately my parents never got the book or the message. I was warned about certain behaviors, and the consequences. I remember getting spanked once, and my face slapped when I talked back when I was around 10.
We were a middle-class family with good American values. We were taught to honor your mother and father and respect your elders. Along with that came respect for Law and Order.
Since I’ve had many conversations with people my age and slightly older whose parents did spank them. And they all have turned out all right with a sound work ethic from that early discipline in the home.
When my triplet boys were born three months into my Ph.D. program, the pediatrician gave us sage advice. “The kids come to live with you; not the other way around.”
We effected fair-minded early discipline in the home and later when my boys came to live with me in high school. Self-discipline is a hallmark of every top performer. I listened to many interviews of top sports athletes, and every top performer stated how their mother held them accountable.
Today all six of my children have college degrees and successful careers and marriages. During those high school years two of my triplets and oldest son challenged me once. And I physically stood up to them. Today we are a very close-knit family with love in our hearts to help each other be the best we can be. And I have 15 grandchildren to effect behavior modifications for pending success. I love them all. But I have cousins who don’t speak to each other.
When I became a high school principal and then a k-12 school superintendent, the first message I offered my staff was I did not believe in “self-esteem” psychology. Because any 2nd grader knows false praise and you’d lose their trust in anything you would say including what you taught.
My idea is you teach personal accountability. You cannot blame others for your poor performance. You develop a work ethic to achieve your personal needs, values, and goals to achieve your quality of life.
What you see in those young people rioting is a broken value system – no respect for others or their property or the police, district prosecutors, and judges. Irrespective of color or nationality, if you do the crime, you do the time. No excuses. But when you do not enforce the laws, you reinforce irresponsible behaviors. No consequence – do it again and again.
Think of what driving a car would be like if most everyone ignored the traffic laws. There would be more than simple fender benders. People would get killed.
So, what’s the answer to rioting and burning Federal buildings and police stations by trained arsonists? What purpose is achieved? Is BLM – Black Lives Matter – really a movement or a farce?
The truth always comes out in the end, and now we learn something like 90 million dollars is missing from that organization, and there is no office to be found. Not even a P.O. Box. And if anyone criticizes with the facts, you are labeled a “racist.” Racist has now become an overused term to describe anyone who disagrees with a liberal view.
Defund the police and no cash bail has also backfired. Homicides and robberies and theft have greatly increased. Sometime read the Presidential Oath of Office. The sworn in President of the United States must protect and defend our Constitution. If you don’t, you can be impeached.
If you are raised without discipline and rewarded for poor behaviors, you will repeat those behaviors. So, if you do wrong, and there is no consequence you will do those behaviors again.
Is it any wonder why young people expect everything for free when they have been given everything and gotten away with so many bad behaviors? And if there is no justice (discipline) in the courts, law and order becomes a mockery. No one is safe anywhere.
Review my four points at the top of every blog post. They help you make better short and long-term decisions. Anarchists go for the pleasure of rioting without fear of consequences or pain. They can rationalize all they want to get what they want. Attention.
Behaviorally, the more you do for anyone, the less they learn to do for themselves. I seriously doubt rioters and looters care to work to advance mankind or help themselves. And you cannot build personal accountability in a micromanagement system, i.e., Big Government. We must not make laws with no plan to enforce them. The same behaviors will continue if there is no consequence.
For parents of small children, you must raise your child with proper discipline and respect for American values, Law and Order. Explain the rules and the consequences when violated. Then hold them to those rules. They don’t get two free passes or don’t set that rule.
If you don’t effect early discipline at home, you may find when the kids turn16 they will fight you for the keys to the car. Oh, and know that the PFC – prefrontal cortex to help you make better decisions is not fully developed until age 23-25.
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